Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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