there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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