I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
