if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
