I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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