yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
