Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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