So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
