I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
