So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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