u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
