things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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