My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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