totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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