He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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