I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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