people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
