Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
