Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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