My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
