please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
