a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Success! We fucked roommates!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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