Cold hands, warm shart.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
