the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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