Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
