He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
