Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
