I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
