A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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