ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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