This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
