he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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