Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
