i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
