Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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