They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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