you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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