census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize