i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
