Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
