Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
