is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
