So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize