hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
