Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
