Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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