Define "chronic" masturbator.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
