i barfeds in our rink
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
