I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My cat gives me a boner
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
