I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
