sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i drank out of a bidet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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