Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
