So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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