i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
