Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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