the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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