Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
