I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
