We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
