you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
