Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
