i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize