So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
