yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
