i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
