they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize