that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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