I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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