areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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