I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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