I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
