there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
