grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
