I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
