I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
