Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
