brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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