when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
