the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
