why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
