You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
