It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
