my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
