Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
