The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Don't make out with my wife yet
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
