He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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