: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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