if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
