that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
